Since you’ve stopped paying child support (again) here’s what you’ve missed:

You missed having to explain to your kid that his braces will have to come off before they are supposed to. No retainer, so most of the work that’s been done will undo itself.

You missed having to explain that there will be no eye contacts for him. And when she runs out there will be no more for her. “Sorry you’ll have to wear your glasses while playing sports, yes I know its dangerous”.

Prom dresses, 8th grade graduation, his pondering the educational system in this town, drivers permits, great conversations, tears, laughter etc… You missed it.

The hysterical crying that interrupted my writing this blog. You missed that too.

You’ve missed meeting all the friends, hearing the stories, worries, concerns, reviewing their lives and wondering about all the crap they’ve been subjected to.

Oh Sweetheart! Were you hoping you and your buddies could swing home from your summer break adventures for lunch? Sorry, unless they’re into spinach salad there’s not a lot to offer.

You’ve held no foreheads while they’ve puked. You’ve not helped with physics homework (and neither have I obviously). You’ve not been the good strong male role model that these kids need.

Just last week you missed:
Ring Ring Hello? “Mom I’m pretty sure I’ve broken my shoulder”
For real? I’m in a meeting, do you think you could rest it for 45 minutes until this is over and then I’ll come home and assess it? “No, I feel like I’m going to pass out. I think we should go to the hospital now”

$900 later…. I’ll be applying for Medicaid to pay for that ER visit. They will once again want to know dad’s employment, which I know nothing about, but I’m sure they’ll look into it.

You’ve missed the fun, the witty commentary, all the inside jokes.

Not paying child support, has added stress to their little lives.

Plus, your kids? They kinda like eating. Wonder what no food in the fridge feels like to them.

We went 6 years without any child support and suffered through it.

I never said a word to the kids about it.

But now? Cancer has made everything different. I’ll no longer carrying that weight. Now I just say to each child’s request for this or that “I’ll get right on that….soon as the child support shows up”

You’ve missed a lot, but you could still be having a positive effect if you contributed.

Stress creates cancer. Does not paying make you feel stressed? Good.

Help yourself. Help your kids. Let life be good.

Being boobless puts a new spin on life, things are different. I’m different.

20130624-162643.jpgDay Three: right before my third surgery.


3 thoughts on “Cancer, Child Support etc….

  1. I won’t feel sorry for him, but karma soaks in and he will feel it, although he might not know where it’s coming from. Or, one day he might wake up a little and see how he screwed up. Be that as it may…

    I have a question about all of this, dear friend: With the great heart and the great courage that you undoubtedly have, What might be the teaching you would offer to your son?

    • Bharat, I would love to know what you were thinking of with this question. I would be grateful for your wisdom.
      Somehow on pondering it I only come up with sarcastic answers that I wouldn’t want to share here! (Yes I know, I share post-mastectomy video footage but not the sarcasm of my mind, odd!)

  2. The thing that makes us angry is injustice – someone is treating someone else unfairly. Anger usually feels pretty righteous. Anger also keeps the stress hormones pumping, and stress shuts down the body’s healing process. But stepping back from injustice and not letting it get personal is hard to do, of course.

    Stepping back from the injustice of the ex’s behavior, I was wondering what lessons in integrity and maturity you might draw from his behavior?

    Your son needs to know how to be a good man, but you can’t tell him his father is not a good man by way of illustration. Your son will come to his own view of that in time. Very important now that he knows that his mom is kind and generous – qualities you can model for him; qualities a good man has.

    I don’t know what demons your ex has, maybe he’s afflicted with nothing more than selfishness. But selfishness, of course, is most of what’s wrong with the world.

    I trust your wisdom 100%, Celeste. There are big energy flows around you and your family. And whatever lessons you draw from that flow and deliver in love will be important. Peace, my sister.

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