Seems about right.
My truth is muddy right now and makes me not want to write for all the world to see.
I want to be the shining example; able to stay optimistic in the midst of all the bullshit. But lately I’ve been more down than up.
Then as I walked today it rained mud.
When I brushed it off of my jacket it had the consistency of damp baby powder
Saturday we got rid of a lot of clutter. I spent time with the kids. We all got a little too much sun doing outside chores, talking, laughing and crying.
Well, the crying was mostly me, not too much and quite therapeutic.
Sunday was 7 miles of hiking with my Mom. Gorgeous weather and company. The dogs were in canine bliss. Then I took a sauna and finished out the day with the kids, enjoying a steak dinner to celebrate their straight A report cards!
….a financial strain? Yes and worth every penny, given the time we had. We talked until 10:30pm and then all went off to sleep smiling. Hours like these are on the tippity top of my “What Brings Me Joy” list.
Monday (today) I went to Durango for a nutritional IV and glutathione push. Had a nice time talking with T and telling a story I love to tell. A story that makes me smile.
….Then I went to the thrift store. I picked out forty shirts to try on and liked two. Four others were so so. There were two sweater thingys. One fit nicely but I’ll probably never wear since I’m always cold. The other fit questionably …and I bought it anyway.
At one point, I was certain an unfavorable shirt was permanently stuck on and I’d have to go ask for the scissors. I forced my arms up, and it off. My scar tissue on the right started to burn.
Two sweater thingys, five shirts, one pair of owl pajama bottoms and $48 later I was completely depressed.
Crashed. Burnt. Spent. Distraught. Done.
How could I have been so irresponsible with my money? I should never have spent that when I wasn’t love, love, loving the shirts. Plus that money really should go to my kids orthodontist…
On the flip side I really do need new clothes as the stuff in the closet just doesn’t fit anymore. My shape is completely different. Flat and lumpy where there used to be C cups, and a belly where there used to be flat, Grrrrrr.
I drove home and met Mom for a walk. It was my only hope for perking back up. It started to rain.
Mud. God is matching the weather to my mood!
Post mastectomy shirt shopping muddied up my two days of happy happy.
I get back to my car and its dirtier than when I left it.
Look at the hood of my car ><br/ Somehow I remember that it is important to show all the parts of myself: The Good, The Bad and The Muddy